CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Silence

December 20th 1824—This is the third anniversary of our marriage. Our guests left two months ago. There is no love or friendship between my husband and I. The first week after our guests left, he was quite upset that his dear Annabella was gone. He was easily angered by anything I did, although I tried to please him, being polite, but never loving.

At first, he drank little wine, but after time, he became bored without his friends and his lover to amuse him; he returned to his old drinking habits, taking large amounts of wine during and after meals. He may drink himself dead, but it is NOT my fault! Yet, I attempt to persuade him not to drink heavily, reminding him that Annabella would not be pleased with his behaviour and appearance.

February 10th—I am afraid my husband will soon influence my son with his careless and unhealthy habits. If I rescue my child from his father, the little one often cries, in confusion and fear. I will not let him go. It pains me to know that my little darling should love his father more than me. If I deny my child something, such as a glass of wine, his father will happily offer it to him. My husband takes joy in hurting me this way, as he knows that my son brings me my only happiness in life, and my husband wishes to destroy it.

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